IN BRIEF ~ Part One:
Boy meets girl, boy lusts over girl, girl not interested, boy chases girl, girl says ok. girl doesn’t really feel loved, boy smoothers girl with material objects, girl treats boy badly, boy starts turns compliments into criticism, girl feels inadequate, boy becomes controlling, girl feels confused, boy ends relationship, girls is devastated. Girl auditions for a TV reality show, boy knows, girl wins a place on the show, boy enters the show too… Part two in next blog.
O.K… it was pretty obvious for all to see ‘that the heart prevailed over the head’, a battle I was never going to win, no matter how hard I fought. If you’ve ever been in this predicament, you’ll hopefully understand where I’m coming from. My Mum a psychotherapist explained; Emotional turmoil not only causes confusion, anxiety and sleepless nights, but can also make you feel physically sick and totally exhausted. Leaving zero energy to do the most simplistic of tasks or make any logical decisions. Sometimes when the pain is so strong, you may throw yourself on the mercy of the person that once gave you comfort, using them like a ‘pain killer’, even though you know your actions are WRONG and will only intensify the pain even more! It’s a vicious cycle of negative thoughts driving and controlling unwanted behaviour patterns, over and over again.
Since leaving the Big Brother (BB) house on Friday evening, Ive been inundated with tweets, messages and requests from people who have either been in similar situations or those who empathised with my emotional torment and battle whilst inside the BB house. I would like to turn the negative into a positive by sharing and hopefully supporting others through their own battles of tormented love.
Stay strong… ‘A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water’ Eleanor Roosevelt.
I look forward to reading your comments.
charliebigbrother 
I love you used Charlies Angels!!
My ex became controlling, to the point where I was the bread winner and I wasnt allowed my bank card, ciuldnt even buy my dinner for the sixteen hours a. day I worked. More things happened like I put a shitload of weight on. I was a size ten, I went to a size 24 in a year because he HATED anyone looking at me, made me feel inadequate, and thus the comfort eating started.
What people don’t realise is that shit we dealt with is a form of mental abuse. OTHER WOMEN don’t make it easier by calling us bunny boilers and fat bitches and.whatever else.
You are one of lifes survivors. A woman of strength. As am I.
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Putting the BB experience to the side,go back & read what you’ve written in the 1st paragraph.The bit that really sticks out to me is “girl not interested”. Was that your 1st instinct when you meet him & he started showing you attention? From my own personal experience when I’ve felt like that in the past but went against my 1st instinct things always turned to custard & in one case it turned very dangerous.It was a very harsh lesson to learn & I still bare the scars today from it. It made me sit back & dissect every aspect of my life,romances & friendships -the works.It made me realize there were many that I should not have gotten into,I saw right from the start my instincts were No,not for me. But I guess I was a bit soft & wanted to give people a chance in case I judged them wrongly or I liked the attention given & frankly I was in love with the idea of love.Had I gone with my 1st instinct I would have saved myself a lot of grief (drama,heartache etc). Neither you or Jason are bad people,it was just a relationship that was never ment to be.One day you will meet the right man & all you have been through will fade because you will have real love.Wishing you all the best Charlie, keep moving forward. xx
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You did yourself proud in there, well done 💚
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A beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. No one can criticise you for that.
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Four years after losing my husband to cancer I met a man who absolutely played me. I’m ashamed to say he drew me in hook line and sinker. He said he was always honest…. He wasn’t, he always dangled that “carrot” always gave the wrong signals as in calling in to my house 7 days a week, sometimes twice a day, for months. My head was all over the place. I had been through 4 years of hell. What very little confidence I had, I let this man in, and I let him chip it away bit by bit.
To cut a very long story short, I learned a very harsh lesson. Never let your guard down, never let anyone in. Otherwise there is a higher chance of you feeling like complete shit, than finding happiness.
Now, I keep myself to myself. It’s not ideal, but it’s safe. I was lucky, I had 20 years of happiness once, a man who loved me, respected me. I don’t expect to find that twice in a lifetime. So I’ll settle for having to have been lucky enough to have found it once.
Good luck Charlie, everyone only deserve’s the best. Never settle for anything less. X
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